Clash of the Egos

'Marriage.. the one big step, a lifetime commitment and to whom?' thought Nirmala, she thought of all the good things that she had in her own house and was saddened by the fact that she would have to leave them all behind, and not expect to call them her own anymore. But Nirmala was not the only one who was sad.. so was her father Udaybanulal, reasons were different though. While his daughter wept over breaking ties with her maika.. her father fretted over the cost of her marriage.. day by day the costs were increasing, breaking the borders of a planned budget.

Udaybanulal, after speaking to his sons about whether to use ghee or oil in sweets, hurried into his room to calculate how much more money would be spent on the ghee.. he went to his account books and brooded over them, a while after mumbling numbers, started perspiring and and started all over again... this can't be happening he wondered aloud.. I am already past 15,000 rupees, when I had actually kept 10,000 rupees aside for the marriage, and the costs seem to be increasing without limit.. what do I do oh Lord! ...

'Why don't you stop everything.. enough has been spent on her already, we dont want to spend all money on her alone, we will get done with the marriage with what we have now.. no need for anything else'... said a voice from behind Udaybanulal.. It wasn't Lord answering his question.. it was just his wife Kalyani.. and he starts to argue with her as to why this marriage should be grandiose.. Its afterall the question of status.. and ones 'nose' in the biradri... argument goes on and becomes a full fledged war of egos... I have always wondered why petty things always end up being major issues for break up.. I have seen couples break up over issues as petty as why the boyfriend does not shut close the toilet seat.. and stuff like why the girlfriend does not watch action movies... hmm I think its the 'E' word! the dreaded one!!

But back to Udaybanulal and Kalyani.. they argued until each said to the other 'get out of the house'.. well actually in the end the husband says it to the wife.. and she walks out in a huff... but then she melts at once when her last son comes running and says .. mom where did you go.. please put me to sleep... Ah Mother's love.. don't mom's really dote on their kids! so she abandons her idea of leaving the house and carries her darling son to bed..

But in the room Udaybanulal.. apparently has a greater problem than the budget going out of hand..no prizes to guess.. its the evil ego again playing games with his mind... he thinks to himself.. 'what do these people think.. they know everything.. they can handle everything.. well, I should make them realize, how important I am' and in fury, in rage, in a moment of madness he arises from his chair and looks at the clock, its close to midnight.. he grabs his walking stick and thinks.. 'If I go missing for two days .. then she will know who the master is.. she wont know how to manage anything, let alone money.. then let me see what she does! I will happily spend two days in Ramlal's house (conviniently in the neighboring village) and be back to see fear and agony dancing on their faces' . He chuckled to himself and set out to the bus stand in the pitch darkness of the lonely night!

So.. what do you think? Did he do the right thing? Does ones ego cover the eyes so much that they can't see that at the end of the day its all petty, can't they hear above the din of their own voices? Can't they pause and think for a moment? And all for what?

Nirmala by Premchand

My first ever hindi novel, and it had to be a soap opera style! Well for all those people who love the saas-bahu sagas on air whether truly or for comic relief, you are in for a treat! Although this makes a little more sense than the ones aired.. and well this does have an ending.. and you'll get to read it within this year, unlike the K-series that run for generations! And no! there are no 20 year leaps.. so try not be disappointed too much!!

Nirmala is a story set in the 1960's Benares, of a poor little girl by the same name, who has the world falling apart and the sky falling on her too.. and yet she lives through it all misery after misery and still hopes and waits for those fabled "better days" to come by.

Nirmala is the eldest daughter of a small time lawyer, Udaybanulal, and the story begins with preparations for her marriage. Nirmala has a sister, Krishna and two younger brothers. Marriage for girls in general is a big event, its one of those things in life that many girls look forward right from 'teenhood'. Ahem.. pardon my language, but could not find a better word for late childhood and early teenage! So getting back to the story, Nirmala felt nothing like that, she felt desolate, disheartened and sorrowful. She's just over 16, not yet mature to get into a marital relationship, and naively thinks - 'why are my parents so bent upon driving me out of the house? Am I so bad that they are so enthusiastic about driving me away' . In a conversation with her younger sister atop the terrace over her house she complains..'why are we girls treated this way? Its as though we don't elong to a house anymore, the moment we age, they think of marrying us off to someone as though we were a burden on them' .

Thinking of which I wondered.. do women of the current generation also think the same way? May be my question is more directed towards the parents..do parents still feel a girl child is a burden to the society? We are living in an age where a girl can go out earn as much and take care of her parents as much the sons do. There are many educated families that send their daughters out into the world to live their lives.. but do all of them give them the freedom of choice when it comes to marriage? Not just over the guy they want to marry, but the time they want to get married? And ofcourse the time they want to bear kids! Well I wont go too deep into that.. but looking at my friends and their families, I would say.. nothing has changed from Nirmala's time to now.. Its all the same, girls are still considered a burden.. and have to get married as soon as possible!

I'll leave the story at that note, more will come soon!